Tips For Beginners

What You Need To Know Before You Begin Your Sex

Take The Time To Learn.

In Addition To Being Wrong, Cinematic And Pornographic Depictions Of Bdsm Are Unlikely To Work For You (They Tend To Be A Tad…Extreme). To Understand More About Bdsm, Richmond Suggests Reading Up On It, Attending A Class To Learn About Techniques And Situations That You May Play Out With Your Partner, And Getting The Help Of A Sex Therapist If You Need It.

However, Here’s A Little Explanation From Richmond On What Each Of The Three Categories Mean:

It Is A Style Of Sex Play In Which Restraint Is Emphasised. Using Props Like As Handcuffs, Ropes, Blindfolds, Or A Variety Of Constraints To Regulate Your Enjoyment Is Important Here. Submissives Are Taught How To Comply, Follow Rules, Or Do Specified Actions Via The Use Of Discipline. When A Dominating Partner Is In A Relationship With A Submissive Partner, Discipline Is Nearly Always Present.

Give Someone Power Or Control (Submission) And They’ll Take It From You. This Is Called Dominance And Submit (Dominance). The Dynamic Of Dominance And Submission May Be Played Out In Sexual Actions—Or In Acts Of Being In Control/Acts Of Service—Or Both Emotionally And Physically. Some Take On The Roles All The Time, Even When They’re Not In Bed, While Others Only Do So During Certain Romantic Encounters.

Those That Conduct Sadism And Masochism Are Those Who Find Pleasure In Inflicting Misery On Others. In Contrast To The Masochist, The Sadist Revels In Inflicting Misery On Others. When It Comes To Sexual Activity, Remember That This Is A Delightful Experience That Is Also A Safe One Due Of The Huge Amount Of Effort That Goes Into Creating Boundaries And Open Communication. Most Sadists And Masochists Love The Feeling Of Empowerment That Comes From Surviving A Challenge.

As A Side Note, Your Experience Doesn’t Have To Include All Three Categories, Or Even Both Positions Within A Category. It’s Possible That You’ll Find That You’re Inherently Dominant Or Submissive, Or That You’re Able To Flip Between The Two At Will. You May Discover That Although You Appreciate Being Tethered (Bondage), You Don’t Enjoy Being Whipped (Discipline).

Imagination Is The First Step.

For Many Couples, Kerner Says, It’s A Common Mistake: They Go Shopping For Sexual Pleasure Items, And Then Come Back And Tell Him That Bdsm Doesn’t Work For Them. It’s Preferable, He Argues, To Begin By Discovering Out What Makes You Feel Hot And Attractive. To Begin, Don’t Be Scared To Explore Your Own Fantasies And The Things That Arouse You Personally.” Are You Unsure Of What It Is That Makes You Tick? To Find Out Whether You Like It, He Suggests Reading Some Bdsm Novels With Power Themes Or Viewing Some Ethical Porn That Uses Bdsm.

It’s Time To Have A Discussion.

Having An Open Discussion With Your Spouse About Your Sexual Needs, What Makes You Happy, And What Your Limits Are Is Essential. “Eye Contact Is How We Express Empathy,” Says Richmond, Who Underlines That This Conversation, Which Is Very Crucial Before Attempting Any Sort Of Bdsm (Or Any Sex Act, Really), Must Be Done In Person.

Due To The Nature Of Bdsm, Trust And Open Communication Are Critical Components. Make Sure You And Your Spouse Are On The Same Page In Terms Of What You Want And Don’t Want From Each Other. The Concept Of Being Blindfolded Yet Having Your Wrists Tied Makes You Nervous, For Example, Should Be Communicated To The Organisers. Similarly, If They Tell You That They Never Want To Be Subservient, You Should Take Them At Their Word.

This Will Allow The Two Of You To Effectively Negotiate Permission And Determine Your Own Personal Boundaries, Ensuring That You Are Both Comfortable During The Procedure.

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